Re-Introduce Yourself: Using the 3 Relational Deal Breakers

My inspiration for writing this book came from years of observing certain relational patterns with my clients as it pertained to their service needs. Early in my career as a therapist, I interned at a drug and alcohol treatment facility. There I gained experience working with families with drug and alcohol addictions who had their children removed from their home due to various forms of abuse and neglect. While helping clients acquire the skills needed to establish healthier relationships, I discovered possible barriers that prevented clients from being able to achieve this goal. I noticed that there was a relational pattern that existed every time an individual ended a relationship and moved onto the next. The pattern had to do with how the individual introduced themselves to their next potential partner. Most of the clients would discuss their past trauma or dysfunctional behaviors from their previous relationships as a guide for establishing a new relational experience with someone new. In other words, clients would talk about the things that they endured or tolerated in past relationships that they did not want to see in future relationships. This type of introduction often has a negative impact on how individuals are perceived by their potential future partners. Often, individuals do not take time out after ending an unhealthy relationship to heal and detach from their own dysfunctional relational behaviors. This can lead to discussions regarding information about a history of toleration or participation in an unhealthy relationship. Subconsciously these conversations can negatively influence the relational experience with the new partner. In other words, without a re-introduction of oneself prior to moving forward in a relationship there is likely a chance of a repeat of the same dysfunctional relational patterns. The re-introduction process allows for individuals to take time to identify their “3 Relational Deal Breakers” (actual/current emotional needs, wants and likes) as it pertains to their relationships. This allows for better communication of the expectations for potential partners. Having the ability to communicate the 3 “Deal Breakers” during the re-introduction phase of a relationship helps to promote better opportunities for healthier relationship outcomes. As life goes on, it may be necessary to revisit the “3 Relational Deal Breakers” as a tool for preventing future conflicts and restoring/maintaining healthy relationships.